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Quote
of the Day
Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won't expect it back.
- NA

Funny Quote
Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.  - Wendell Johnson

Always borrow money from a pessimist.  He won't expect it back.  - NA

Always forgive your enemies Nothing annoys them so much.  - NA

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.  - NA

An consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.  - NA

Before borrowing money from a friend, decide which you need more.(Friend or Money !)  - NA

Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.  - NA

Death is hereditary.  - NA

Do you have trouble making up your mind? Well, yes or no?  - NA

Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't.  - 

Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.  - NA

Everyone has a photographic memory.  Some just don't have film.  - NA

Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.  - NA

For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.  - NA

I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.  - NA

I like work.  It fascinates me.  I  sit and look at it for hours.  - NA

I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.  - NA

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.  - NA

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?  - NA

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.  - NA

If it were not for Thomas Edison, we would all be watching television in the dark.  - Michael L.

If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.  - NA

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.  - Weinberg

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world everyday always just exactly fits the newspaper.  - Jerry Seinfeld

Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.  - NA

Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.  - NA

Never argue with a fool. People might not know the difference.  - NA

Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.  - F Lebowitz

The brain is a wonderful organ.  It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.  - Robert Frost

The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there  to appreciate it.  - Franklin P. Jones

There are three sides to any argument: your side, my side and the right side.  - NA

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.  - NA

We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like?  - Jean Cocturan

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.  - NA

When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.  - NA

When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets.  - NA

Where there's a will, there are five hundred relatives.  - NA

You know the speed of light, so what's the speed of dark?  - NA

Author in Funny Quotes

F Lebowitz
Franklin P. Jones
Jean Cocturan
Jerry Seinfeld
Michael L.
NA
Robert Frost
Weinberg
Wendell Johnson

 
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